The     Principle

Have you ever set your goals just right? That is what I like to call ‘finding the pocket’. That place where you are pushing yourself but are still comfortable enough to keep going. We all know the story. When Goldilocks sat down to eat some porridge, the first one was too hot, the second too cold, and the third one was just right. According to Nasa The Goldilocks zone is that sweet spot Earth sits in that harbors life. Not too hot, not too cold, but just right. It is Earths

How do we make it small? Spoons. The 51% principle is choosing actions that are small, motivating, and that add up to at least 51%. I call these actions spoons. A spoon is the short walk you take, the 5 minutes of research you do, the 6 second hug you give, or the 3 minutes looking your child in the eyes while they talk about Pokemon. These seem small. But when you think about it, and you add them up, they are life changers. My husband recently took his first architectura

I love saying yes. I love getting involved, doing a good job, making connections, and being recognized for my work. I often equate my productivity and success to my identity and self worth. This is the 100% perfectionist mentality that the 51% is the medicine for. I was recently asked to be president of something at my sons’ school. The word president just puts the dopamine in my brain into high gear. I love helping at the school and I want to be the superhero and save t

In the photo on the left the focus is on the blooming flowers. You can still see the path the bloom will take, but the details of the pistols and the texture of the petals are what you experience. The picture on the right is focused on the very top. The last bit of the growth. The blooms in that picture are blurry and their individual beauty lost. When you focus on the small, and the now, you can see and appreciate all the beautiful moments around you. When you focus on t

Do you feel like it’s never enough? Do you complete some goals, but at the end of the day all you see is what you didn’t get done, or what you did wrong? I often have therapy clients who have a great week and are proud of themselves, but then one negative memory or act is brought up and we often spend the rest of the session reframing, and prioritizing the successes. It seems harder to focus on the positive than the negative. It seems hard to realize that the small things