The     Principle

Perfection is what is telling us our kids have to look perfect, our house has to be totally clean.  Perfection says we have to make it homemade and organic, or we have to be sexy and smart at the same time, and we have to pretend that all of this is easy too. 

We think that when we reach this impossible goal we will be happy.  But honestly, I'm exhausted just writing that paragraph. So, doing all of that at the same time sounds awful.  Why do we e...

Always and Never are anxiety's best friends.  Always tells you what you "should" be and that you are not allowed to fail.  Never tells you what you "won't" accomplish and stops you from trying.  They work together, each holding on to opposite ends of you, pulling until you break.  

Always tells you that smart people always remember things, or strong people always have will power.  Never tells you you'll never be as good as another, or you...

Did you know its not unusual for it to take 2 months to climb Mount Everest?  Climbers spend days ascending and acclimating and taking small carefully planned steps to achieve their goal.  Climbing a mountain can not be done all at once, and neither can other great goals.  We are capable of reaching big things, but the problem is that often we focus on climbing the mountain so fast and being perfect that we don't look at the steps it takes to get there.  Wh...

Have you ever set your goals just right? That is what I like to call ‘finding the pocket’.  That place where you are pushing yourself but are still comfortable enough to keep going. 

We all know the story. When Goldilocks sat down to eat some porridge, the first one was too hot, the second too cold, and the third one was just right. According to Nasa The Goldilocks zone is that sweet spot Earth sits in that harbors life. Not too hot, not too cold, but j...

How do we make it small? Spoons. The 51% principle is choosing actions that are small, motivating, and that add up to at least 51%.  I call these actions spoons.  A spoon is the short walk you take, the 5 minutes of research you do, the 6 second hug you give, or the 3 minutes looking your child in the eyes while they talk about Pokemon.  These seem small.  But when you think about it, and you add them up, they are life changers.

My husband re...

I love saying yes.  I love getting involved, doing a good job, making connections, and being recognized for my work.  I often equate my productivity and success to my identity and self worth.  This is the 100% perfectionist mentality that the 51% is the medicine for. 

I was recently asked to be president of something at my sons’ school.  The word president just puts the dopamine in my brain into high gear.  I love helping at the school and I w...

In the photo on the left the focus is on the blooming flowers. You can still see the path the bloom will take, but the details of the pistols and the texture of the petals are what you experience.  The picture on the right is focused on the very top.  The last bit of the growth.  The blooms in that picture are blurry and their individual beauty lost.

When you focus on the small, and the now, you can see and appreciate all the beautiful moments...

Do you feel like it’s never enough?  Do you complete some goals, but at the end of the day all you see is what you didn’t get done, or what you did wrong?

I often have therapy clients who have a great week and are proud of themselves, but then one negative memory or act is brought up and we often spend the rest of the session reframing, and prioritizing the successes.  It seems harder to focus on the positive than the negative.  It seems hard to realize that...

Change is good.  Change is scary.  Change is inevitable.  I am about to face a big change.  I don’t normally make a blog specifically about myself or my life, but I need to use the 51% as much as anybody so I am writing this for myself, and I hope it helps some of you in the meantime.

We just found out last week that my family and I will be relocating to Seattle.  It is an exciting and wonderful time.  My husband will be starting a new positio...

“There’s Always Another Way!” In the movie Finding Dory, Dory refuses to accept defeat. Her father taught her that there is always another way.  It may seem impossible or silly but it is there.

There are so many things out of our control, situations at work, our hectic schedules, sickness, and relationships.  We can sometimes feel trapped when we can’t control things, but Dory is right.  There’s Always Another Way. If we start to look at the world as full of...